Category Archives: Foster Care

Season of Life

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I have fully embraced the idea that each season of life is different. I also realize that although each season has some hard parts some of just hard overall.  This season of foster care is much harder than I would every have anticipated. But at the same time I am seeing the huge difference and gains that are being made. Today I am going to share somewhat random thoughts about it. Let just say up front these are my opinions and thoughts,

  • This summer we used paper plates EVERY day!  It was a simple way to keep up with the dishes and not add one single thing  to my to do list.  This week we ran out of paper plates and I *think* that at this point we can start using the regular plates again however this may change when life starts to overwhelm again.
  • This is a quote from Kendall’s special education text book and it is the most accurate description of what we have seen “Following Kanner’s initial research on autism, many researchers focused on inappropriate or bad parenting as a case of autism…. speculated that during their child’s infancy some parents, particularly mothers, withheld affection or exhibited extremely negative feelings toward their son or daughter: consequently the youngster retreated into a autistic “empty fortress.”
  • E has been sleeping through the night with only a few exceptions since moving to his new room. Even the times of waking up have not resulted in me losing more than an hour of sleep! THIS IS HUGE
  • E is beginning to eat a little more. Just this weekend he ate banana bread and a meatball. Although the struggle is still very much a struggle. It is an improvement.
  • He is consider to be at or above grade level. We are in the process of discharging all EC services. The down side to this is that we will have to find private speech services and likely a play therapist. But at this point we can’t fit into the schedule on a regular bases
  • Trimming is his nails is the most traumatizing event!  I am honestly at my wits end!
  • DSS had E approved for SSI, I am not sure what this means as far as long term but for the short run, it will pay for after school care instead of me paying half.
  • E LOVES camp Manna and ask to stay longer and more days!

Did I Get the Date Wrong?

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Today is definitely September 5th, but after my day yesterday, it really should have been a Friday the 13th.  This is going to be a real and raw blog and I will go ahead and say if I offend you sorry I don’t mean to point fingers but rather just recorded the events so that in the future I can look back and laugh and say I survived.

E was scheduled a visit with both of his parents, which historically cause a lot of disruptions for us. He was awake around 5:30am with his heart racing and hungry. I decided there was no reason to even attempt to go back to sleep so after calming him I was up for the day. He was moving very slowly and required ALOT of extra prompts just to make it to school.
Kendall is completing an internship at Cooleemee on Friday so she is riding with me and planned to hang out at my office for the afternoon.  We went out to eat in Downtown Mocksville. Imagine my surprise when the car would not crank right after lunch. I also had an emergency light that said CVT. This is the same part that was replaced in June. I called the dealership and was not that I was outside the area they can tow in so I could pay an additional amount to them, attempt to drive the car or call for Nissan roadside assistance.  I decided to take my chance and drive the 30 minutes to the dealership.  When I arrived, I was told they only had one technician and he had just went to lunch.  The expected time was 2 hours. I looked at my watch and decided I should still have enough time to make Zach’s game.  I was waiting patiently until about an hour and half in. I was told that I could not get a loaner car until they decided what was wrong.  A little after two hours I was told that it was the battery but they were not sure what the cost was? And it would be at least another 45 minutes.  I lost it.  I started asking for management, luckily about 15 minutes later we were out the door.

Kendall and I got home with just enough time for me to use the bathroom and head to Zach’s game. Kendall was staying at home to get E after the visit.   The game was over an hour away. We got to the game and realized that E still was not home and no one had contacted me at all.  An hour and half after his visit was scheduled to end, I started texting and calling the four different numbers I had for the DSS office. No answer to either text or calls and not one single line had the after hours on call Social worker number.  Kendall was concerned and I was as well. E arrived an hour and forty-five minutes after his visit. I did receive a text an hour after he was dropped off. I also received a call 2 and half hours after he was dropped off.

We were actually surprised the game started on time because of lightening in the area  When it started to rain we moved mom into a slighty covered area.  Unfortunately, her scooter decided that it was not going to work either,   Thank goodness we safely made it to the car and waited out the storm.  Matt and I did not get home till almost 11pm and it was right at midnight when Zach came home.  E ended the night crying himself awake x 3.

Yeap it should have been a Friday the 13th.

August in Review

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August was an extremely busy month filled with both fun and tears. We started the month off by pulling a Uhaul trailer to Florida with most of Lily’s furniture to get her settled in her new apartment. Then E, Braxton and I spent almost two weeks at Disney. Matt flew in and out but did get to spend a good week at Disney. Next up was Haley’s pinning ceremony that had most of the crew together! I started back to work full time, Kendall and Zach started college.  We have not struggled as much as I anticipated with all the changes in routine! I have even caught up with most of my list for before school starts. This fall we have lots of football games to enjoy, several birthdays to celebrate as well!   I hope to get things back on track with regular post on the blog as well as some serious debt repayment and of course a new budget to start next year.  I typically do a budget review/revise in June but this year is different. So I am honestly looking ahead and trying to really set our sights on starting 2027 off strong with both a realistic budget and debt reduction plan. This means that I am going to be making more post about budget and money over the next few months as I focus on planning!

Groceries- Goal $800 per month.  We spent $536  for the month of August. My goal for the next two months is to significantly reduce our spending to less than $300 a month.  I am hopeful to reduce this overall budget to $500 starting in January however I am not quite sure this is realistic. We have a significant amount of food in our freezers and pantry so I am hopeful to really stretch us this fall.

Gas- Goal is $400.  Total spent was $690 for gas  this month. This amount does not include the trip to Florida.  I am not sure what the gas spending will be as I am adding about 30 miles or more a day with after school care for E. The price of gas continues to jump so this may be an area to reconsider in January as well.

Blogging-The goal will be 15 posts per month.  This is post 10 for me. Considering that I was out of town for half the month this is a significant improvement and win for me!

Debit-   The goal for 2026 will be to pay off the Home Depot Credit card without interest. Finances are always a difficult subject to be completely open and honest about. At this point, I don’t see us making the big second payment on the Home Depot card. Which means we will be hit with a significant amount of interest to tackle. God can provide so I have been praying. But regardless of his answer, we have to re adjust the budget. I am hopeful to use the remaining months of 2026 to get us on a solid financial track with planning for saving and debt repayment at the front! On the positive side a increase in income is coming and we should pay off the Tahoe in January!

No Spend Days- Goal for 10 no spend days a month. Time to make this a focus as well as get some accountability.

Health/Exercise-I am currently down an additional 10 pounds over the summer. I guess walking an average of 5 miles a day at Disney does count as exercise. We have purchased a walking pad for the house so I have no excuse to not try and exercise at least 1 time a week for now.
Foster Care-  Our next court date is set for October 20th. We were notified that the official permanency plan is guardianship/reunification. This is a huge first step!  We were also told that the official reason for this was to encourage both parents to begin working on their plan.  I am going to try and keep my feelings and thoughts out of this section. As I want it to be a place I can find date and official things easily.

Very little progress has been made on my Summer goal list since I started back to work so this is a final update.

1. Make and order 8 photo books. We have received 2 books. I did print out 25 pictures to make E a Disney book.
2.  Read a total of 8 books. I have finished five books this summer!
3. Make and freeze 12 baked ziti’s- Goal Met! July 2026
4. Make and freeze 6 million dollar spaghetti pies  Goal met! August 
5. Make and freeze 6 pans of chicken enchiladas. Goal met 6/19/2026.
6. Either walk or exercise 3 times a week for at least 8 weeks. This goal was not met but I lost 10 lbs so something moved!
7. Make and freeze 6 taco pastas.   goal met 6/19/2026
8. Make and freeze 6 chicken, broccoli rice casseroles. 6/19/2026
9. Make at least 50 meatballs and freeze.  I did not get around to the meatball however I currently have 78 prepared meals in the freezer or canning pantry in addition to the 10 jars of spaghetti sauce that is canned!

Overall I was able to achieve the summer goals related to food but not my personal self care goals.  Who is surprised?

I wanted to add something that E and I are doing in the mornings and I was not sure where to add so this is the spot. We have 30 verse that have been laminated. We are going to read a verse each morning! We are hoping to follow this with a prayer. So far this does help us change our moods and I want to keep this habit up!

Menu Plan

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I am posting this a day early because tomorrow is the end of the month and it is my intention to post the month in review. This week brings more changes but we should start to settle into a routine for the school year. E has a doctor’s appointment on Monday, starts Camp Manna after school on Tuesday and has a visit on Friday.   Both Zach and Kendall are settling in to school as well. The pool is open for one more week but I am not even sure if we will get to enjoy it again this year. I am trying to get in a routine of using the crockpot at least one time a week as well. I don’t like hot food in the summer but it does make my life easier. I am also planning to make another batch of spaghetti sauce so that is always on the menu as well.

Breakfast- Saturday-BLTs   Sunday-Banana bread   Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,  Thursday   and Friday– find it (oatmeal, omelets, cereal and milk, sausage, pop-tarts ,cereal bars, pancakes and eggs). My goal is to make at least one breakfast a week that we all can share. Last Thursday, I made mini muffins which everyone enjoyed. I have a plan to make sausage cresant rolls this week.

Lunch- Saturday- Sandwiches of your choice,  Sunday-TBD    Monday,   Tuesday   Wednesday, Thursday, Friday- I am on a regular schedule this week which means I will be taking a lunch most days except Fridays.

Dinner- Saturday- Steak and baked potato    Sunday-Sushi buffet for Zach’s birthday,   Monday- spaghetti.  Tuesday Chicken Nachos  Wednesday-New Crockpot meal with green beans, potatoes and lil smokies  Thursday-  cheeseburger pie   Friday- chicken nuggets.

Saving on Food

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This post is a little long and different than the usual things I post about saving but hang on for the story and I promise to get to the saving part at the end. Saving money is not always about finding the best deal or using the coupons but in reality it is about being a good steward of your money!

Fostering a child is a huge commitment of both time and money.  But the hardest part of the entire process is that you are expected to treat the child like your own but in reality you don’t any control. DSS is in control of his schedule and they decide when visits are without any regards for our schedule or what would work easier for the foster parents. I also have to get permission to get a hair cut but if it is not a hair cut they (either DSS or the parents) like I also get questioned about that decision.  One of the reason we decided to pursue becoming licensed foster parents was the stipend that is provided. Let me say up front it is not a huge amount nor is it the only reason we are licensed. E is a huge picky eater so groceries are expensive.  One of the huge benefits is that he is given free lunch and breakfast at school. This makes mornings easier for everyone. I should also mention that he eats breakfast every single day before we head to school as well.  While we were traveling, I read that all foster kids in NC received $120 in food stamps for the summer. This amount would definitely not cover even a month of food but it is something.  I called and asked about E’s, I was told it was mailed to the DSS office. So I called the office and was initial told “We are missing a bunch of those.” At that point I said well I have a case number and they confirmed it was mailed. After a week of back and forth, I was provided the original card which according to the date stamped on the front was received June 1st. Oh but wait, we called and reported it lost just this morning so now it will take another week or so to get another card. Finally this week I received and activated the card.
Now back to the saving part, I try to watch the Dollar General sales on soda as they have consistently been significantly cheaper.  This week, I purchased 3 12 packs of Diet Coke, and 3 12 packs of Dr. Pepper.  The Dr. Peppers work out to 33 cent each and Diet cokes are 44 cent each.  I also picked up cereal and candy on clearance as well. My receipt shows a total of $33.37 with  a savings of $32.73!  But I was able to use the sun bucks card and paid fourteen cent!  Using what God has provided is always the best option!

I made up two batches of banana bread today with the second batch canned in jars for future meals! I also made a double batch of brownies to be used a snacks and desert this week as well. Small things add up!

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Who likes change?  Not many people can say the truly enjoy when things change.  As I have gotten older, I do realize that I tolerate change a little better than some but I still don’t like change.  Here is where the problem arises, over the next few weeks, the last few weeks of summer, lots of changes are happening!

  1. Lily is moving to Orlando Florida, where she is employed full time by Disney World to be a photographer. This is by no means a sudden change but it is a HUGE one. Both Lily and E are struggling with this change and all it means.  First here is the background. When Lily completed her DCP (Disney College Program) in January 2025, she wanted to stay and continue. However, it just was not possible with her financial expenses of school.  So she came home to finish college and began for searching for jobs that would allow her to return to Orlando either at Disney or as a para legal.  In September 2025, Lily completed an interview for a photo pass photographer and was “placed on the bench”. What this means is that for six months if someone quits then she can be offered a job. In March 2026, instead of being removed from the bench she was offered to remain on the bench for another six months. After prayer, she decided to stay on the bench. At the same time she was offered and accepted a summer internship with Egger. This is the same company Matt works for.  In mid June Lily was contacted and offered a full time position.  She accepted the position, raced to Orlando found an apartment and even managed to work out her schedule to be with us for Easton’s birthday. And completed the 10 week internship in good standing. Matt and I will be pulling a u haul trailer with her stuff to her the first of August. The biggest adjustment for everyone but E is that Paul is Lily’s dog and has moved with her.
  2. Lily was occupying the ‘old” master bedroom which has a walk in closet and a half bath attached. Kendall jumped at the chance to move in this bigger room. Zach originally did not want to move rooms because he thought was it would be less than five years before he was moving out on his own. BUT the bigger bed was calling his name. He will be painting and moving as well.
  3. This left us (Matt and I) to decide what to do with Zach’s (3rd) bedroom.  After some discussion, we decided to purchase a set of bunk beds and put in Zach’s old room. This will be for both Braxton and E to sleep in. E will be able to have his own room with space to build Lego’s as well as a closet for his clothes.
  4. Next question, what do we do with nursery/office that E is currently sleeping in? I actually like having my desk in the bedroom closer to the rest of the house as I am not isolated unless I want to be.  We have decided to make the nursery into an closet/ exercise room.

The bright side of all this change is that we are not forced to complete it all at once in just a couple of days. Kendall will move into Lily’s room first including moving her ears and tv.  Then Zach will have to paint and patch the walls of Kendall’s old bedroom. He also is request a new fan.  Finally we will need to purchase install and arrange the furniture  the final bedroom for E. This will also gain ALOT of our privacy back because we will have a master bedroom suite again!

 

My current plan is to show you as the changes happen!  But change will be slow as E and I will be out of town for 13 days in August!

Tuesday Thoughts

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Today was unfair and that is the only way I can describe it.  I am always a little hesitant to share about things related to our foster because I want to respect his identify/his story and am also afraid of doing something that may be a reason for his removal from our home.   But today, I am going to share facts and those are just that facts.  Visits are every other week with this being a week I expected a visit however, the visit schedule is usually made monthly so with July 1st on a Wednesday and Friday a holiday I was unsure of what would happen.

Yesterday, Tuesday June 30th at 10:36am, I was informed that a visit was scheduled for today. I was asked if I could provide transportation.   I declined politely because the options for me included driving for 3 hours to drop him off and pick him up or driving 1.5 hours and sitting in a parking lot for 2 hours in a car.   Around 6pm, the timing was confirmed and he would be picked up at 11 am.  I told Easton and we wrote the schedule on the board.

This morning, he was up bright and early!  He even finished his school work before 8am. Today I 10:03 am, I received a text that the visits had been cancelled and would be rescheduled.

As a grown adult who has been a mother for over 30 years, I was in tears, how unfair this feels.  I asked for an explanation to give to him but never received any response.  I am left to explain to a six year old things I don’t understand!  This is unfair and one of the concrete examples as to what is wrong with the Foster Care system!