Today was unfair and that is the only way I can describe it.  I am always a little hesitant to share about things related to our foster because I want to respect his identify/his story and am also afraid of doing something that may be a reason for his removal from our home.   But today, I am going to share facts and those are just that facts.  Visits are every other week with this being a week I expected a visit however, the visit schedule is usually made monthly so with July 1st on a Wednesday and Friday a holiday I was unsure of what would happen.

Yesterday, Tuesday June 30th at 10:36am, I was informed that a visit was scheduled for today. I was asked if I could provide transportation.   I declined politely because the options for me included driving for 3 hours to drop him off and pick him up or driving 1.5 hours and sitting in a parking lot for 2 hours in a car.   Around 6pm, the timing was confirmed and he would be picked up at 11 am.  I told Easton and we wrote the schedule on the board.

This morning, he was up bright and early!  He even finished his school work before 8am. Today I 10:03 am, I received a text that the visits had been cancelled and would be rescheduled.

As a grown adult who has been a mother for over 30 years, I was in tears, how unfair this feels.  I asked for an explanation to give to him but never received any response.  I am left to explain to a six year old things I don’t understand!  This is unfair and one of the concrete examples as to what is wrong with the Foster Care system!

I have not been posting alot about foster care the main reason is FEAR!   Is it a specific FEAR well sort of. I don’t want to provide too many details and end of hurting a child. But what I am beginning to realize is that I can and should be talking about my feelings and my challenges and my need for grace and support.   His story will be for him to share someday but for now, my story is hard and I want to have it for the future.   We have had the privilege of providing care for five months.  This was a huge and unexpected change but it was what God had put in place.  I knew up front that behaviors and traumas were going to be difficult to manage. What I did not realize is that I feel like I have become an unpaid employee of DSS.   And I am also the ONLY person who will do what I feel is right and appropriate no matter how inconvenient it is.  I am totally overwhelmed and emotional right now so for this post, I am going to make a list of things and activities that have occupied my time for the past week or so.  Lily has started her intership so she is  no longer available to pick up Easton from school.  In addition both Kendall and Zach have been finished with school for at least two weeks. I am constantly trying to figure out who is picking him up on the day that I get a meeting on my schedule. I  am really juggling a full time position as the scheduler.

On Thursday, he had a doctor’s appointment, my thought was cool, I have managed to eliminate at least one phone call as I can get all three of his prescriptions refilled.  Sound reasonable and easy… NOPE!  I asked at the appointment and was told she would put in the orders and the best news, no appointments until September.  We drive home and stop at the pharmacy, no prescriptions. I called and got “oh sorry, we are putting those in now.”   Matt made the second trip on Thursday to pick up prescriptions. (please see below for the rest of Thursday night)  But one of the prescriptions was not refilled, I made four phone calls on Friday as we were traveling. Kendall was gracious enough to make two additional trips to the pharmacy, both after which I understood that they were submitting the final prescription.  Wrong again!  I realized that it was after 5pm so we were out of luck for the weekend. On Monday, I started bright and early trying to get this prescription filled.  Kendall made another trip that was unsuccessful!   Finally at 4:30pm I again spoke with the pediatrician office which informed me that this whole thing was my problem because their policy is that they have three business day to complete a prescription request!

Thursday night, I was woken up at 1am and between 1am and 6:30pm I may have been able to sleep approximately 15 minutes at a time. Yeap I was tired!

This weekend, Matt and I took our anniversary trip.   But while we were gone lots of problems occurred. Lily wrecked her car, Kendall had sun poison and of course behaviors were off the chain.

On Monday, I called and got a dental appointment I have been asking for for 2 months, scheduled for Tuesday as well.  Monday night I was informed that a new CPS case would be opened against me based on statements made at his family visit.

Tuesday around 1pm, I received a call that a CPS visit had to occur today!  This visit based on a swim meet and the worker going to the wrong address occurred between 9:15 and 10pm tonight.

We were informed that this case would stay open at least 30 days.  This includes at least 2 more visits. That need to be schedule.

I am tired and overwhelmed!

This is a second post under this category.  I am trying to respect the privacy of my foster child. I am also trying to keep this journal for myself and also provide some information that may be useful to someone else.  I am going to be vague as in the details of the whys but realistic and genuine in my feelings and overwhelm.

We are currently considered  a non-biological kinship placement. This is the same placement for grandparents or other family members who take in a relative.  This is good because we were able to assume responsibility and start taking care of all the little details. However the major downside is that we really did not have a clue as to what to expect as far as legal requirements, what we needed permission for or exactly what the legal process is.

Our first social work visit was on Monday night and we basically signed paperwork for background checks. We were also told about “the Prudent Parent Guidelines”  This is actually very good information and gave me a base knowledge of what I could approve and what needed parent approval.  This is after we had taken them  to school and picked them up for their  modified day.  The first court date was on Tuesday.  None of us attended this court date because we figured the case worker would tell us what we needed to know.  We have since learned that this is not the case.  What is discussed in open court is public knowledge however a case worker can not provide use specific details only if something changes.  I actually met the caseworker assigned to our case on Wednesday at an IEP meeting.   I can’t not go into details but this was a long hard and emotional draining meeting for me.  It also was proof that God exist and that his will was for this placement.  Friday of the same week was our 7 day visit. This is actually the visit that we were given legal paperwork for allowing us to make “minor legal, medical and educational decisions for our foster child.”  But wait, did anyone realize that having a kid’s hair cut was considered “alternating their appearance.”   Another surprise was that “swim lesson” also needed to have parental approval?  My focus for this week was to get medical, dental and vision assessments scheduled.  This was hard to do and required me to have the caseworker schedule the visits  at her convenience!  My thoughts at the end of week one was ok this has been hectic and I am drained but it will likely go easier and less time consuming from here. Boy do I feel dumb and wrong. 

One thing that I must include here that since that first week they were  with us that I described above was the only full week of school they had until this past week which was our 5th week.  One Monday was a holiday, then starting the next week, we missed 9 out of 10 days of school due to weather.  We have been work hard to have them  learned the basics of Kindergarten that they have missed.  Out of 90 days (which they should have attended 3 hours per day), they had been absent 46 days and tardy for 21 days. We had around two weeks at home that we focused on working to catch them up to peers or at least get as much of a foundation built as possible with some extra time at home.

Now back to the level of stress and overwhelm on me the caregiver. They have  ADHD and needed medication in order to be able to learn. This was my first request and the first appointment was schedule a little over two weeks later. I learned there that instead of having the pediatrician that was familiar with them complete the medical intake, a doctor at the health department completed the intake and prescribed medicine to help them  sleep.   I was very impressed at our first medical visit. They were  prescribed medicine and we have increased that medicine twice in the two weeks since beginning it.  EVERYONE agrees that medicine has made a HUGE difference!

My second request was for a dental visit, which they had never had and a vision assessment. The day before their dental visit, I was informed that the caseworker did not feel comfortable taking them to the visit alone, so I arranged to go with them . They  have 9 cavities and will require a sedated surgery to correct the issues. This has also been scheduled. We are still waiting on a vision assessment which will not occur until March.

After multiple request and two additional phone calls, Matt and I have started the process of becoming foster parents. This includes a mountain of paperwork, fingerprinting and medical checks for all of us plus interviews, a fire inspection and 6 weeks of bookwork.  My current goal is to be licensed by April. This is a time consuming process in addition to all the additional information and things that needed to complete the process. We have two reason for continuing to try and become license, one is that it would be useful if adoption was ever an option and the second is the small monthly stipend that we can receive to assist with his care.

In the past 5 weeks, I have spent more time talking to caseworkers than anything else. The county we are working in has a very strange set up. There is a foster care licensure case worker (ok this makes sense maybe), a regular case worker, a case worker supervisor, and a visit caseworker. I also speak frequently with the Guardian Ad Liem, I honestly feel like she is the only one who has the best interest of the foster child as the main focus.   It feels like to me that the caseworkers are all about the parents rights and coparenting and helping the parents with reunification without considering how  each change and each visit  affect the child. Every day except Saturdays, I have had at least one and sometimes up to 4 different phone calls regarding the foster care.  This is where my overwhelm starts!  I expected to deal with trauma, big emotions and even big behaviors/ outburst but I did not expect to deal with adults and conflicting personalities. I also did not expect to have to repeat the same details multiple times a days.

A second court day is scheduled this week, from my understanding,  the county has to now prove that their initial charges (reason for removal) are valid, next the parents will be provided with details of what is expected in order for reunification to occur.   The next court date should be set in three months.

The adventure continues!